Monday, 29 October 2007

More Strays

The police don't attend RTAs (Road Traffic Accidents) any more. They will only attend RTCs (Road Traffic Collisions). Chief Constables who have risen to be appointed under recent administrations are passionate about labels, if nothing else. The term road traffic accident implies no fault. If the police attend even a minor bump these days, it is more likely than not that someone will be prosecuted.

I suppose it is a reflection of our society's need to attribute blame. What none of us can bear is the random, the unguided hand of fate. We can't control it. We can't plan for it. We can't ensure that we avoid it.

I wish I had someone to blame.

I don't much care for Thomas Hardy. Ann liked him though.


If but some vengeful god would call to me
From up the sky, and laugh: "Thou suffering thing,
Know that thy sorrow is my ecstasy,
That thy love's loss is my hate's profiting!"
Then would I bear it, clench myself, and die,
Steeled by the sense of ire unmerited;
Half-eased in that a Powerfuller than I
Had willed and meted me the tears I shed.

But not so. How arrives it joy lies slain,
And why unblooms the best hope ever sown?
Crass Casualty obstructs the sun and rain,
And dicing Time for gladness casts a moan. . . .
These purblind Doomsters had as readily strown
Blisses about my pilgrimage as pain.


MaMa said...

I think the pain associated with the loss of a loved one is more acute and painful than an actual physical infliction. I understand you and I know there's nothing I can to do help. Your Ann left this world way to young, way to early, and even though I didn't know her or you, I've been thinking about the both of you ever since I found your blog the other day. I know for me, the pain never really goes away, but over time it gets a little easier to deal with, subsides some, too. I do realize that every mornining will come, I get out of bed, get dressed, and just be.

Katie twinkles said...

Hi, I'm not so great at deciphering verse although I have read a lot of TH, but after reading and re-reading I got it.
I have come to believe that things are random and nature can just be savage as well as pretty and bountiful so I can understand. Nature prematurely stole someone-a truly exceptional soul- from me a while back. Why I will never comprehend.
The pragmatist in me is better at 'doing stuff'. I had wondered about the dogs that had been mentioned in some of your posts and, even though things are so unjustly tough I felt glad that you have them as a reason to eat.
They are lucky pups indeed. I hope they are good listeners and comforting too. Lovely stories about Ann too. She was extraordinarily beautiful. Keep taking care

acrossthepond said...

I have never experienced the grief that you have but I can say that I think blogging and sharing your grief will help you through your journey of blog often and from the heart and then eventually the dark cloud you are under will lift and you will see light again. You will have many people to support you. This is not a road you should travel alone and judging by the comments on your blog there are a lot of lovely people walking it with you and I shall be one of them even though I am thousands of miles away.
Ann was beautiful and I enjoy seeing the photo's on your blog and wish I had of known her too.
Keep on Blogging and hang in there! I look forward to reading more about Ann and yourself. Oh, and by the way things are about you right now because YOU are the one who is hurting.

Take Care

Tracy said...

i hardly listened to this at the funeral - it washed over me ....
i am glad you have put it on your blog, it has given me the time to read and re-read, and absorb.
sadly there is no one to blame -
i have spent time searching for this someone too - i have even shouted and screamed at Ann for going
please know i am right there by your side, just getting up each day and missing her so very much
come stay soon
t x