I managed to deal with some things today. Mundane things: a few bits of paperwork, a couple of bills, things to keep 'the wolf from the door' for a little longer. For the last few weeks, I've been very bad at 'things'. Luckily, nearly everything is paid by direct debit.
The day after Ann died: I rose. And I showered. And I shaved. And I dressed. I picked up the doctor's Certificate and I took it to the Registrar in Tunbridge Wells. In the afternoon, I found a firm of undertakers and I arranged the funeral.
And then I stopped.
My clerk (the person who arranges work for me) sent some papers round for me last week. A case. Not court work, she said. They just want your advice, she said. Very interesting, she said. Just have a look at them. They sit in my study, unopened. The ribbon intact. They haunt me.
Today, I told her I would look at them tomorrow. Now, I look at an e-mail from her. She is asking whether I might go to court on Thursday. Another case. Very interesting, she says.
Is this how it happens? Is this how people get to carry on their lives? A slippery slope back to 'normality'.
I won't have it.
Ann stopped. And then I stopped. Why hasn't the world stopped?
2 comments:
you do not have to step back on to that slippery slope to normality.
life for those who loved Ann will never be normal again - but the world will continue to turn and throw crap our way - we just have to hold on to each other x
t x
When I was bereaved-and not by a partner but my my closest friend, which is not nearly as cruel as your loss, I just knew I had to honour myself and the loss of wonderful friendship of so many fun and truly amazing years by letting the world know that 'no I cannot just get on with it this time, this is major'.
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