Easter

The dogs and I have just shared some very, slow-cooked lamb with rosemary and sage. Not bad.

For some years, I have ruminated over the right thing to say when passing someone on a dog-walk.

'Hello' is not right. It was invented as a greeting by, I think, the "Bell Telephone company" at the beginning of the last century. Prior to that, it was used as an expression of surprise as in 'hello, what do we have here?', or as an inquiry, such as when one hears a strange noise in the house and calls 'hello?'. I believe that language should evolve, but I confess that I like the older usage of the word 'hello'; and I refuse to use it in its new capacity.

'How do you do?' is too formal and anticipates longer acquaintance.

'Hi' is too casual, too modern, too American. Whereas a nod, accompanied by the word 'alright?' makes the recipient think he or she is about to be robbed.

'Good morning' or 'good afternoon' both necessitate a moment's thought in order to check which time of day it is - and by then your transient, intended correspondent is behind you.

Similarly, 'nice day' and such like commentaries require an assessment of the weather.

Do you know what someone said to me today? He was a plumpish, middle-aged fellow. He made no eye-contact and hardly acknowledged me. But, as he passed, he mumbled:

"What ho!"

What ho. How bloody perfect is that? It can be said cheerily, or sullenly. It requires no thought, no analysis of time or times. It is meaningless, yet it entirely satisfies the social imperatives. Polite and self-sufficent, it demands no response. It's eccentricity facilitates potential dialogue with the open-minded, but armours the user against the small. I like it.

I shall endeavour to use it in future.

The dogs feel guilty for having eaten lamb.