A good friend took me out tonight. We went to the flicks. 'Juno', by the way, is one of the best films I have seen in a very long time. Sharp script. If it has a fault, it is a little too... Aah, but I shall let you decide.
Afterwards, we went to the pub (actually two) and got a little drunk. Then I walked her home to her husband. She was on loan.
In my cups, I opened up a little more than I ought to have done. I have been having a bad couple of days. Guilt... I seem to have a lot of guilt. Poor theatre companion: I spilled my guilt all over her. Clumsy, drunken, selfish idiot.
Bollocks.
38 comments:
Oh Philip. Please don't beat yourself up. You are making such good steps towards life again. She is rejoicing in your triumphs...take good care, Dawn
You had it in the first few words - you went out with a 'good friend'. Such people take the verbiage we spill out and take what they need and let the rest slide on by. You probably choose the right person to be with.
"Clumsy, drunken, selfish idiot."
Now you see, I suspect you are the only one who feels that. I'm sure your friend didn't feel that at all - she probably went home and rejoiced in the fact that (a) you went out with her; (b) enjoyed the fillum; and (c) felt comfortable enough in her company to not bottle everything up inside and pretend that life is splendid.
You are you. You've been through what you've been through. There is no shame in being you living through the terrifying, terrible events of the last 12 months in your world. If 'you' was a friend of yours I'm sure you would have a great deal of sympathy for him.
Be kind to yourself. x
coo. dear me Mr Philip , you do beat yourself up sometimes.
Guilt is bound to feature and none of these feelings and stuff that you are experiencing are rehearsed. That's why we need to offload, to make sense of the enormity of how we feel.
There is a process to grief but I won't bore you with theory anyway but how you are coping Philip is entirely normal and everyday and not out of place or out of order or anyhting. In sharing you are doing exactly what is totally hoped for and normal and right.
Some say by showing our vulnerabilities we are strengthened. I truly believe that. I'm sure even before her tragic death Ann hoped, more than anyhting for you, to be among good friends who'd take care of you during these harsh times.
enjoy the rest of today x
Oops!
When I checked my e-mails a short while ago, I wondered what on earth I had written on this Blog late last night.
Sorry everyone, my laptop's alcohol filter must be faulty. Blame Microsoft.
P
Being the survivor can be an unbearable burden at times but there is NO fault attached to it. It's a roll of the dice over which none of us have any control.
Actually, I think you gave her a great proof of friendship by confiding in her; friends all too often feel helpless and useless in the face of terrible grief. Keep on "bothering" your friends, it 'll be good for all concerned!
. . .and, obviously, you need to switch to an iMac.
if she is indeed a good friend she will understand
Philip - your Blog is becoming a bit of an attraction to females cooing over you like a newly born baby.
Shame really. Because what YOU say is insightful and worthy of reading.
Just beware of these females; you might end up needing a sick bag very soon.
Beware too of anyone who cites James Blunt as the greatest crooner to hit Christendom
Blimey Pineapples, old man! Thanks for the warning. I shall watch out for them.
Mind you, I quite like the cooing. Although I like to think of it as an Angelina Jolie / Brad Pitt sort of cooing rather than a mother / new-born baby thing.
Still...
P
Does Mr Pineapples want some attention perhaps..... coo coo..
Phil - the words of P are like honey to a bee.
Watch them gerls - before you know it you'll be watching "Dancing on Ice" and listening to James Blunt.
A bleedin' disaster.
Just wanted to warn you like.
Katy Twinkless - I have just gone onto your Blog and was horrified to be met with the noise of Amy Whinehouse.
What are you? Some sort of noise terrorist.
That woman with a rat's maze of a hair do?
And No - The P does not need any sort of cooing and fawning over. I am a boxer for blinkin' sakes.
Tsk what a tease that Mr Pineapples is. He comes in, posting comments which intrigue ... one clicks on his profile and what do we find? No bloggage!
Kitty, I believe the only way to persuade Mr P to Blog would be to pass an Act of Parliament!
However, I expect that there would need to be a three-line whip; and the Parliament Acts would have to be invoked in order to get the Pineapples Blogging (Enforcement) Bill 2008 through the House of Lords.
I swear to God...you're all mad.
P gets enough grief from Mrs P and nibblet P's about hogging the computer...as it is.
Although P does rule them with A ROD OF IRON !! They still play up.
You only suffer from guilt if you allow yourself to. You really must remember that good fights are fought and sometimes there is no winner. Take up your gauntlet and look for other battles to win.
Sandi
Mr P - your comment reminds me of a fridge magnet I saw the other day. It bore the legend 'I made my home child-proof, but they still get in'.
Philip - do you think we could get the PB(E)B through the House of Lords with a concerted group effort, and perhaps a petition? I already have the signatures of Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Basil Brush AND Bagpuss.
I'm not sure I can help with the three-line whip. I have no whips, but I do have a tassel - is that any good?
x
Kitty,
How on earth did you get Bagpuss?
I heard he sees no one these days.
P
PS - Not sure that a three-line tassel would make much of an impression on a Prescott or a Soames. I'm impressed though.
May I suggest that we lobby for an Act of Parliament to actually prevent the self-titled 'Mr Pineapples' ever blogging.
I fear there would be more information about boxing, bravado and other testosterone-fuelled occupations than could be contained by the internet.
(hahahaha - now feeling a little sick at the thought of Soames and Prescott and tassles. Is it concurrent use?)
Having long been part of a concerted campaign to encourage The P to Blog, only to have my pleas to do so fall on deaf ears, May I suggest that Pineapples (Blogging) Enforcement Act Parent enough Secondary Legislation to allow enough hours of hair tearing frustration such that the subject is simply compelled to record his thoughts on a page of his very own.
I, for one, would be most interested to hear the Thoughts of Chairman P!
whips, tassles,gauntletts, rod of iron and fights.......what IS going on? Oh and the thought of Prescott amongst all that....eeeeeuuuuu!
This one's getting interesting, Philip!! You're certainly building up quite a following!
We are all clumsy, drunken, selfish idiots even if we don't drink or walk into walls on a regular basis. We bumble around, doing or saying stupid things but it's quite all right. We learn, we say less stupid things or we say less because the stupid things will come out so we learn how to keep them tidy and under wraps. You don't have a corner on that behavior.
As for the rest, I'm glad to see you went out, did something considered normal. Guilt is okay too. You're here, she's there. But maybe she feels guilty too, she's there, you're here. Perhaps it's a matter of perspective.
No way, I am sure she was pleased that you let some of it all out to her. Drunk or not. A few days down the line and you'll see it has done you some good to pour your heart out.
You sweet gentle man just take each day as it comes. Ann is with you all the way.
Hugs.
Catherine x
Oh...quick....P needs the sick bag...
Sick bag or not Philip does not appear to be protesting! so that probably means he quite likes the cooing....?
I must say philip you have had some mileage out of this post eh?
I must say Pineapples, you're a glutton for punishment!
Rather need the cooing Katie.
P
Really Mr P, there are times when you are a very, VERY naughty person!
Anyway Pineapples, you might think you feel a bit sickly now but you wait til we revisit the robing room and the petticoat talk starts again...
Do you think Pineapple has a petticoat like the one Mammy always covetted and Rhett found in Paris?
Oh I think probably yes.....
It's very quiet around here is it not?
It's a bit quiet around here because of that ginger haired toffee eared nit-wit Prince Harry and his bleedin' rifle - chasing down the Taliban in the desert.
Everything pales into insignificance when Harry is on the march with his pop gun.
Grrr.....Rambo had it right.
I'm a bit lost here - I enjoyed Juno (with my 10 year old). I don't really coo - whether people need it or not unfortunately but I do read your blog Philip & think of you.
J
x
so,what would you say, should I choose 'Juno' or 'The Bank job' this week then?
Goodness, there is an interesting dynamic going on in comments for this post.
Philip, I cannot imagine what you must be feeling, but I believe it does get better. I lost someone to cancer in January (though not a spouse). That sounds awfully trite, but it's true. Some days are better than others. But the sun does come out again...
awww..Please philippe, just another little blog..no need to mention the jupon.....
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