I dreamed of Ann last night.
We were sitting together on a sofa, talking softly.
"I don't like not sharing a bed with you. Can we start sharing a bed again?" I said.
Ann smiled and nodded. We kissed: a tender, lingering, lovers' kiss.
"I don't even know how we came to be sleeping apart," I continued eventually. I was a little puzzled. I felt that I ought to know the reason but, somehow, it was eluding me.
My hand gently caressed her cheek as my mind sought an answer. There was something; something very obvious that I was forgetting. What was it?
"God, it was lovely being with her," I thought. "I had missed her so much.
"But, then, why had I missed her? Where had she been?
"Of course: she had been ill!" I remembered suddenly. "How could I have forgotten something like that?" I was slow, groggy. "I must only recently have awoken." I shook my head to clear it. "Yes, it had been cancer... It was such a relief that she was better now."
I hugged her tightly and she laughed, confused but pleasantly surprised by my sudden emotion.
The cancer had been aggressive, I recalled. There was a real danger that it could return and, if it did... I held her even closer.
But there was more; I knew there was more that I really ought to remember.
"That horrific dream! It had been so vivid, that dream... A dream in which Ann had died. That was obviously why everything seemed so strange. That was why I felt that I had somehow been without her.
"But then, if we hadn't truly been apart, if we had been separated only in my dream, why had she agreed to start sharing a bed again?
"Unless..."
I grasped Ann's upper arm as I realised the dreadful truth. Before I was able to prevent it, a wail of utter anguish escaped me.
"You died!"
I fought so hard to stay. I fixed my eyes upon Ann and refused to allow her image to dissolve. I tightened my grip on her arm and, for several seconds, I managed to defy the curse of Orpheus. Yet, in the end, it was not Ann who faded, but me. I watched in despair as my hand shimmered into nothing. I felt myself crumple. Shrinking, my body collapsed in upon itself and I was sucked away. I awoke in the dark.
Alone.
4 comments:
((((((Philip)))))) <- cyber hug.
I'm one of those hippie-types who believes in something after death; and all I can tell you is that I've had dreams about people after they've died in which I was convinced I had really been with them. And I choose to believe I WAS with them, and that for a brief time, we shared each other's company - as we will do one day again in the future.
Please know you're in the thoughts and prayers of many people. I wish I could do more than just send a cyber wish for your wellbeing.
Take care of yourself. x
I have had dreams very similar to this about my father since he died. They are so odd- there is this elation at seeing them and being with them and then that crush when you realize that it was a dream. Eventually, for me anyway, the crush went away and I begin to simply enjoy being with them in the dream. I hope the same for you.
I send you as many warm thoughts as I can muster.
sending much love and warm wishes,
jen
Bless you honey.
Those dreams are such heart-ache. I think lots of us have had them over broken relationships, and that's hard enough but in your case it's all the harder.
Like others I had them and occasionally still do when my best friend, one of the bestest people in the world, died. She inspired my love of theatre and my first dream after her passing was of us at the theatre, hugging and hugging. it was serene, comforting and cruel all at once, but ultimately gave me peace that, even if we only experience it in our dreams there is some kind of communication between two worlds.
The picture is quite ethereal. she had/has such a presence.............
Look after yourself x
Oh Philip, it must be so hard....
It breaks my heart just reading that and I didn't even know her.
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