Thank you all for your concern. I am fine.
I'm afraid that, for the last week or so, I've been in a bit of a funk.
I managed to visit Ann's grave and walk the dogs every day. But that was it. Nothing else: no cleaning, no shopping, no washing, no washing-up. The place was a mess; and so was I.
I even stopped blogging for a couple of days.
Then, this morning, I shaved. I filled the dishwasher, ran it, filled it again. I cleaned the kitchen and tidied and vacuumed the sitting room. There are no longer great tumbleweeds of dog hair blowing across the floor amongst the empty wine bottles and carelessly discarded dinner plates.
There appears to be no logic to this business, no natural progression. I can function one day; and not the next.
I shall post again this afternoon.
14 comments:
Everyone has a bad day every so often, wollowing in sadness and letting time just slip away without you even realising it. Your allowed to sometimes. If it helps then just think of what Ann might say if she came home and saw you like this, she'd want you to be happy wouldnt she? Just give your dogs a hug and hopefully you'l feel abit better. It works for me (and a cup of tea and hot water bottle help too!). I can only try and understand how youve been feeling these past few months, i know its easy for people to say 'dont worry, with time you will be fine' but really, im sure you will be.
Everone on here looks out for you anyway, ive seen you get mentioned on at least 4 blogs now!
Keep coming back Philip, we are all only at the other end of a computer.
Take care,
lindsay
I'm glad you're ok Philip.
Dont be hard on yourself, some days will be harder than others, none will be easy for a while yet. Dont worry about doghair tumbleweeds, I have those too, all dog owners do at some time or other!
leanne x
Glad you are o.k....how many times did you have to run that dishwasher!?
Big hug
Rachel x
I think that I would be more worried if you didn't have occassional fits of funk. Glad to see you back though and thanks again for sharing your journey.
Oh, it was good to see your posting this morning. I, too, wondered about the silence.
You say nothing of family or friends. Are you bearing all this grief on your own?
If so, you can count on the kindness of this stranger. I am listening.
Françoise
Just roll with it my friend,some days are diamonds and some days are stones,just get through the stones as best you can.
Everyones grief is unique to them and there is no set pattern that you have to adhere to.
My 1st husband was lost on Piper Alpha and we had only been married 10 months.
I was used to him being away so my life pretty much carried on but then I would be in town and see something like a shirt that would suit him and then reality would bite and this terrible hollow feeling like I had been crying forever would wash over me.I also felt guilty if I felt happy or laughed it seemed like a betrayal somehow.
I went down to 8 1/2 stone and only got up to feed the cat some days,but trust me that stage does lift.
No rush,do it your own way.
We'er all here for you and I too hope you have some family to share your grief.
Kat xx
There are no rules. Tody is the day that you deal with - not yesterday or tomorrow.
I did wonder if you were alright Philip, so its good to see your post. Its not easy to blog every day so i thought perhaps you just didn't want to talk.
leave the tumbleweeds -
it would not feel like home without the dog hair!
tx
forgot to say......
glad Bob is working hard x
t x
I can feel your anguish and hallowness. Just know that you will, in time, feel refilled.
Tumbleweeds - thats my pet name for the dust in our house!!! As you know we dont even have the pleasure of being able to 'blame the dogs'!!I have been reading your blogs and only the other day sent a note to Tracy. (Re her Rainbow photo) To be honest we text and I hope you know we are always here - but I doubt you will ever feel you need us! In all those months we offered our support, and you somehow coped (amazingly). But our offer will always stand - but we dont want to be the ones you think of as easier to accept an invite from than say no to! We have feelings too you know! We just wish we could take the pain away for you.It never leaves, but as time passes you just get more experience of
coping.The wonderful memories will surface again;I can think of many a time we saw you and Ann stumbling down the road, evidently having spent a very joyous eve with friends and the odd bottle of plonk!! Not to mention the time you had supper with us, and we nearly set the ceiling alight with the candles we had burning, as we had not noticed them, due to the amount of alcohol we had all consumed that eve! Out with the paint again James!! As Lindsay said everyone has bad days - mine are black - I dont even get dressed - what a lush!! TC, us over the road -x-
Hi philip, nice to hear from you again. I thought you might just be having some quiet time, and like everyone else says, it's natural to have many different sorts of days as it's all so unfamiliar. Hope it helps to know though that even when you are off the radar all of us are not!
Hey! Hi Wendy. Nice to see your post.
P
x
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