Monday, 18 February 2008

The Daily Grind (Part 2)

There was a bit of a flap at my Chambers on Friday. Too much work: too few barristers. The clerks feverishly worked the telephones, charming and cajoling other clerks at other chambers into taking some of the overload. Yet despite their best efforts, by seven O'clock in the evening they remained unsuccessful in finding someone to defend a young joyrider at Basildon Crown Court. And so it was that, early this morning, I found myself ironing (the front of) a shirt in readiness for my second Court appearance of the month.

It has to have been nearly a year since I last donned a wig and gown and it felt not a little odd as I strode out of the Robing Room to meet my instructing solicitor and her delinquent client.

However, it didn't feel wrong.

Later, I decided to drive to my Chambers rather than driving straight home and, once there, I soon found myself chatting and laughing with some of my old colleagues.

At the time, it didn't feel wrong.

On the way home, I had to stop the car.

Suddenly, it all felt terribly, terribly wrong.


trashalou said...

oh philip.

trashalou said...

I have come back now b/c anything I could think of to say before just seemed puerile. It may still but.. whether you inch it off carefully or rip it a plaster has to hurt when it comes off.

take care.

driftwood said...

It's not wrong to question your feelings about something.

but I don't think you should feel bad because you had a few moments of normality, and happiness,

I hope it gets easier.

take care xx

Katie twinkles said...

I was going to make a joke of the robing until I read down a bit further.

it is really difficult to say anything better than trashalou has at the moment.

It is possible though to do the right thing and still be true to your memories of Anne. It's not one or the other.

Jane said...

I'm not sure what to say Philip except i agree with all the comments so far. It will hurt that life can resume some normality. Take care Jane x

Philip Sinclair said...

Don't worry. One moment I am up, the next I am down. I know it's only to be expected.

I don't know what amusement Katie might have intended to derive from my 'robing'.

I can assure everyone that there is nothing at all comical about that which lies beneath the petticoats beneath my gown.


Katie twinkles said...

Petticoats!...........snork!! (thats Archers speak for when you spit your drink at the screen through laughter I believe)


This is not getting my essay done.

acrossthepond said...

It's ok to move on....

Anonymous said...

Philip. I have sons your age, two of them in very happy and close relationships and I shudder to think what devastation the loss of their partner would mean to them, and to me. So my heart leaps to you when I read your posts.

Can you think of your time in chambers as a small oasis of respite from your grief? A place to exercise your mind while stepping away from your feelings for a little while? Meaningful work cannot be a diminish your loss but it can offer a positive and welcome dimension to your life right now.

So, I hope you continue with your morning ironing, and put on that odd outfit and march into court. I am with Katie there, and I'm glad to know what you wear under your robe !

francoise said...

oops! I'm not "anonymous", I am Fran├žoise

Kitty said...

Hello P. What I found interesting is that it didn't feel wrong until you were driving home. Maybe that tells you that the being at work thing isn't wrong for you right now, but of course the coming home felt very 'wrong' because your most special someone isn't there waiting for you.

The 'coming homes' are hard. Sometimes it's easier not to do the 'going outs' just so one can avoid the 'coming homes', but when you were doing the 'going out' it feel ok; so I hope you manage to do more of the 'going outs' and that the 'coming homes' become less painful in time. (((hugs)))

Now ... about these petticoats .... *snigger* ... :-) x

trashalou said...

I'm with Kitty - petticoats 'snigger, snigger'

Katie twinkles said...

No really Francoise, I think you got me all wrong. I am at worst perturbed and at best faintly amused about the petticoats.


=^..^= said...

I am giggling so heavily now with all of the 'snorking' here. Philip, I hope you are too. You are a dear sweet fellow and I would hug you if I could.

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

Know this, if you question everything else, the people who read your blog are so sorry for you loss. They love you as one who has not actually met you, can. They wish they could make things easier. I feel she is close to you every day, laughing when you laugh, saying, "Come on, Philip," when you don't. It's all right. Everything will be all right. You will never loose the hurt or the loss but everything will be all right.

I hope I haven't overstepped my bounds.

Mr Pineapples said...

Hey Philip...a good book to read is:

"In the Spring time of the Year" by Susan Hill.

Sandi McBride said...

Reality sets's the going home to the empty house that felt wrong, I'm sure. Brush away that feeling of guilt, she would not be happy with you for that. She wants you to have a normal life again, and I'm sure she prepared you for that. She sounds that sort of lovely person

Nin said...

Small steps, small steps. And just remember that just because life is starting to return to a vague sense of 'normal' but without Anne, it doesn't mean at all that you've forgotten about her. She's still with you, but in a different way, and she's probably looking on with pride at you going back to work. She sounds like the sort of person who would do that.

(I hope I haven't overstepped my bounds)

janilizi said...

oh lovey it will feel like that for the longest time and then some just when you think its ok. Life will never be the same it will be diffeent but good.

Philip Sinclair said...

I should like to thank everyone.

Where intentions are benign, I have no boundaries to be over-stepped.


Katie twinkles said...

I like that word 'benign' when used in such a way and I used it in my essay. (top marks then)

I have been trying to make a flower- mayb not very well tho..


I will keep trying (else where) tho
It's for you, for Ann and to wish you a peaceful and feelgood weekend anyway

Katie twinkles said...

oh..that was really bad as well. blogger did that not me..

but the thought is still there all the same
kitty would know how to do it properly

Philip Sinclair said...

It's a lovely flower.