Sunday 11 November 2007

Defeated

New to this business, I foolishly let one or two people know that I was Blogging.

Now, somehow, word has got back to someone with whom I would certainly not have chosen to share my innermost thoughts.

I shall miss this.

888 comments:

1 – 200 of 888   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

the two so called family members involved in this should be so very ashamed - you truly are the most disgusting pair of idiots.
i do not know what has gone on in your family history, but at a time such as this, surely a little sense and compassion must have entered your ugly, thick skulls?
i for one hope you both rot in hell.

as for you Philip - rise above this and blog on.
you have a great deal of support out here.
x

Katie twinkles said...

Hi Phillip,
I am shocked and really concerned about what I have read on your blog and I am so sorry that some of the comments have come from people who clearly are not in tune with what you are going through.
As it goes my family is a nightmare too as are many, many families. The threads woven in early life run deep, deep and are easily triggered when we feel down. I am talking from experience. Right now I am struggling in my relationship with my sister.
As for whether you want to blog anymore I think I understand that you might be reluctant as you are probably feeling hurt by the feedback at a time when it is impossible, I'd guess, to find the strength to rise above this sort of stuff.
I'd say be careful and be good to yourself and think carefully about writing. I hope the blog continues but, above all you must look after yourself.
x

Hilda May said...

...Sorry for you Philip...you must feel bloody crap....I hope this doesn't mean we have lost you...take care
big hug

rachel x

Teresa said...

If you truly decide to stop blogging, you will be missed.

Tracy x said...

rise above all the family problems - walk away from it all - it is not something you need to deal with right now.
thinking of you
hug those dogs extra tightly tonight.

t x

Katie twinkles said...

Ps You mentioned going to stay with the Cupcakes family before...maybe it would be a great tonic eh?? x

trash said...

Oh Philip. What sadness i felt on reading the comments on the previous post.

Whoever they are from it seems incredibly petty and small-minded. Your blog is no place for other people's views.

If you feel writing this has been benficial then please keep going. You can stop any comments from being left by rearranging your
set-up in blogger. You can also make it private and password access only.

Many of us would greatly miss interacting with you but if it stops the bile on the other post then I say go with it.

If you do decide to really go off and do 'grown-up' stuff then please warn Tracy she will be inundated with regular hellos to Philip.

May the sun shine on you tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, Philip, you don't need this , do you?
I posted a comment to the previous entry but don't see it there. Never mind.
Stay close to those you love and trust.
I'll keep looking for your blog but if it disappears, I'll understand . . .

Tracy x said...

p x
trashalou has said everything that can be said at this moment.
i will of course pass on all the comments from your blog friends x
why not delete all the awful comments and see how you feel over the next few days.
good p.s comment from katie twinkles - i would take her advice.......!!

t x

teacakebiscuit said...

please don't stop blogging!!

I'm sure blogger has a way of blocking specific IP addresses, most sites like this do.

maybe you could go visit tracy for a bit?

Tracy x said...

p x
i promise you i am not paying fellow bloggers to suggest you come and stay.......
honest
honest
honest!!!!
love you
t x

Anonymous said...

families are weird. they don't follow the paths that would logically make sense. when i was diagnosed with cancer, surprisingly the last person i told was my mother, and then only the night before i went to surgery so that I wouldn't have to deal with her.

but what i did find out, was that the friends that were true friends stuck by me then and stay with me now. the rifts with my family remain. it isn't easy to rise above them, but at the end of the day, you have only yourself to live with.

i hope that you don't quit writing. your words are poignantly heartbreaking and true, a balance between tears and joy, pain and a loss that remains exquisitely painful and real.

write for yourself. write for ann. phooey on the rest of them.

trash said...

Philip,
if you aren't going to visit the Family Cupcake at this point - please may I?

Tracy x said...

trashalou
if you are willing to stay in a complete madhouse full of animals, much wine drinking (stephen), much cake eating (me), lots of watching of Buffy the vampire slayer - then you are most welcome x
tracy x

Anonymous said...

trashalou has pointed out to me that I left my comment on the first of your 2 entries. I t hadn't disappeared at all . . .

Leanne said...

Philip, i too have been shocked by some of the venomous comments made, and i am sorry you are so raw.

Of course its your choice whether to continue to blog or not, but you do have an option- make your blog invites only. you can do this via your control panel, and would need to send invites out to those readers you wish to have access. You can email people through their own blogs, who then log in before gaining access. that way you can prevent those undesirable elemnts from reading yuor thoughts.

Leanne x

Jane said...

Hi Philip, I do hope you don't stop blogging. As others have said you can enable a password or Comment moderation. This can be done from dashboard > settings > comments. But above all else you must do what is best for you. Hugs i will miss you.

Kristy said...

Don't be defeated! What would Ann say? Keep doing what you feel is right and learn from every situation.Often emotion makes us say and do things we never mean or expect.At least it means we still care.
If you really feel you don't want certain people reading your innermost thoughts then start a new blog and don't give out the address (except to us of course!)To exclude them by screening them would only antagonise hurting people more.That would do you no good either.In the long term everyone needs to be at peace with the ones they love and I'm sure you love your mum and sister.
Keep going never give up!

alice c said...

This blog celebrated Ann and your love for her.
I have enjoyed meeting you and through you - Ann.
Good luck for the future!

Kitty said...

Oh how I relate to that feeling of wanting to withdraw, run away, be alone and not interact with anyone ever again! But the reality is that it's not practical nor, in all honesty, very healthy.

Your writing has been wonderful to read - open, honest, heartfelt and brave. You have quickly acquired a 'readership' because of those qualities. Many of us, although only having known of you for a short period of time, would miss you in our little community of bloggers.

The practical things you can do are as have already been mentioned, use comment moderation - whereby you see all comments before they are publicly 'posted' - that won't stop people writing them, but will stop their negativity reaching your blog. Or you can make your blog open only to certain people by putting in a privacy sanction - those who you are happy to read your stuff will have the privelege, those who you're not happy to read your stuff, won't.

For what it's worth, from one blogger to another, your blog is different, it's original, it's written well, it's compelling, and I for one would miss it very much.

You are your priority - do what's best for YOU.

Take care :-) x

tess said...

don't give up Phillip, if you feel you need to make your blog invitation only then those of us who have been reading for a while will understand, and comment moderation would at least allow you to delete anything you didn't want to see. Don't let anyone spoil for you what has been a way of dealing with pain, and shouldn't be causing you more, and I'm sorry that you're not getting the support you deserve from your family. take care.

Vintage to Victorian said...

Hi Philip

I very much hope you won't be put off blogging by the two quite uncalled for comments you have received. As in most things, no-one can fully understand a person's reaction to a situation unless they have experienced the same or similar themselves. From their comments it seems likely that neither of these commenters has ever lost a spouse. Such a shame they do not realise how lucky they are to have been protected from such grief.

Blogging from your heart to mainly anonymous new friends is helping you through this exceedingly tough time and that, to me, is the most important thing. If readers don't like what you say they needn't return.

Don't stop - every unpleasant comment you receive is overshadowed by many, many positive and caring comments. I think we should all ignore anything else posted by these two in order to avoid your lovely blog becoming a slanging match between unknown adversaries.
x

Minnie said...

Keep on blogging, Philip!! Don't give up. Only stop if YOU want to. You could always moderate or password your blog to invited readers only:O)

If you don't want to go to a party, then don't go. If you don't want to see or speak to certain people, then don't. Do what you want to do..at your own pace:O) You are allowed! You will face the big wide world in your own time.

Peace x

Anonymous said...

I have just read all the comments written by Bobbie and Veronica, along with everyone else's. I can barely type for the anger I feel right now. I woke this morning, thinking of Philip, thinking of Ann and thinking life is so so unfair at times. Today is so beautiful, a real 'doggie walking day', that Ann and Philip would have loved!..Yesterday my man and I drove down to Brighton, to shop, eat, drink and socialise. All the way I kept thinking of Philip,(and Ann), how selfish I felt for not ringing him and not asking him to join us. (Sorry Philip) What would we say, not having actually "seen Philip" since the day Ann decided she had had enough of fighting that terrible disease? We still feel so many things have been left unsaid between us etc...Has there not been enough fighting already? Philip has apologised, as the gent he is. He IS prepared to move on. But enough is enough surely! I AM on my soap box, (I am told I was too like Ann for us ever to have been close friends), but Philip needs support, love, UNDERSTANDING and a whole lot of care now. Not careless bitching about who was right and who is/was wrong. I love life, have the time,(I pray), to continue loving life; sometimes this includes my family and my friends,sometimes not. May I suggest,(I am assuming you too have the luxury of life),that you spend your time loving it, and caring about Philip rather than about making a point that is frankly showing you up as spineless.

Ps. Veronica & Bobby. As you evidently crawled out of a stinking dark hole, can you go back and stay away. Ann wanted Philip to be happy - to know you have caused him further upset should give you something to think about if nothing else.

PPS
Philip, if you dont want to snuggle in with those adorable doggies and make Hud and Ripley think Christmas has arrived early... I think a queue may be forming in the village!!!!!! x x x

Unknown said...

hello again philip.

not too sure what to say (again)

I don't have answers, but have to agree with everyone else that you will be missed, as will your humour and insight.

cheers

dottycookie said...

I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do - I shall be sad not to be able to read what you have to say anymore if you do decide to stop, but you have to do what you feel is best for yourself. You have made me both laugh and cry with what you have written here, and I feel privileged to have been able to read your words. All the best.

Aqeela said...

Hi Philip,
I feel the same as everyone else on here, really dont want you to go. Your blog is my favorite and im sure im the same as everyone else when i say i feel as if i almost know you, you know, as a friend. To not hear how your days are passing by and how you are feeling will be really strange, and il definately be wondering how you are. I think the best thing for you to do is to shut this blog down and start a new one, dont tell too many friends / family about it and that way you wont have to worry about how honest and open you want to be when writing your blogs. Ive kept my own blog private from everyone i know, so that i am not afraid to write from the heart. Even my husband doesnt know, and for that i feel very guilty and have concidered either telling him or shutting down my blog. However im going to stick with it just to get things off my chest and unload if i need to.
I really hope to hear from you again, but if not then take care Philip, and dont ever forget how many people youve 'met' in the past few weeks who really care.
Take care,
Lindsay

Anonymous said...

Anonymous is Philip himself, isn't it? Anonymous2

Anonymous said...

Are Bobbie and Veronica also Philip? Anonymous 2

Katie twinkles said...

x
Peace
x

Vee said...

I hear you. I, too, foolishly let some people know that I was blogging. Like you, I was tempted to give it up. Now, I'm saying "bugger it." If anyone posts an inappropriate comment, I'll dispatch them. Whatever you decide, just know that there are many more on your team than not.

MaMa said...

Philip - whatever you decide to do, I've enjoyed your blog very much. It's very honest, open, and raw, and beats my blog any day! You will be missed if you don't blog for us. Be well. Lisa

The Honourable Billy Blunt said...

Oh Gosh Mister........'To thine own self be true'
Kat x

acrossthepond said...

Dear Philip,
I have been reading your blog every day from Canada and I shall really miss your postings if you decided not to write anymore.....so please keep us ALL happy and keep posting!

Unknown said...

I've been following your blog for some time, and while I don't feel it's my right to tell you whether or not to continue, I want to tell you what your blog has meant to me. I lost my grandfather (not a spouse, I know, but we were very close) in a long battle with leukemia. I've been through the same things you have- the chemo, the bad days, the hair and weight loss- and knowing that you and I are so similar in our day-to-day struggles has helped me with mine. I'll miss your blog, and the daily reading that makes me think of my grandfather and remember him fondly. It would be a shame if one (or two) insensitive people ruined this following you've gathered...

Anonymous said...

Hi Phillip,
I've been visiting your blog every day - sometimes several times a day. It has always struck me as very authentic. This means that the issues (other than grieving your beautiful wife) would arise. Perhaps this is a vehicle for you to face some of those issues. Your strength and resilience shines through in what you write. I don't know you very well, but somehow sense that you are strong enough to deal with this issue.
It's a strange world. Families are even stranger. And all of us, at any given time are doing our very best, given our circumstances and skills. Perhaps your sister, neice, (mother?) don't have the capacity for empathy or forgiveness (at this time, at least). Sometimes we learn from having good behaviour modelled to us by others. Somehow I sense that when you've let some of your anger (and disappointment) ride through you, you might be just the person to show your family what appropriate behaviour means.
I know all families are different, but I wanted to say that I am shocked to imagine a family that couldn't find it in themselves to be frequently in contact after a bereavement like the one you have experienced.
"Rising above" the situation - forgiving / moving on isn't an act that you will do for those people in your family who are causing you pain, it is mainly for you. It's painful being in conflict with others and additional pain is not what you need now.
From a selfish point of view I will be gutted iff your blog ends -you've become part of my life.
But anyone who cares about you genuinely will want the best FOR YOU.
Just know you will be missed.
Go well lovely fella.
xxx

Anonymous said...

Wow, how easy is it to step into dogmess.
An evil sister eh? Feel like I've found a family. Only trying to be helpful.
Sister? evil witch? Both? you decide. Voting starts midnight tonight.
Seriously, like the blog, hate the dogmess.

Anonymous said...

Dear Veronica
How easy it is to step in dogmess? You make it sound as if were accidental, or as if it were something you had no part in. Have you gone back and read your first entry? It is full of judgements: Phillip is bitter, selfish and angry (really? according to who?).....what he said to his neice MUST have been bad (how do you know?)....he doesn't really want to go to his mums party and is using stuff dragged up from the past as an excuse (how do you know?).....he is blaming the world for the fact that his wife has died (how do you know?)......and that he should 'grow up' (What on earth does that mean?).

None of the above is constructive. None of it shows any respect.

If you are not Phillip's sister then your comments are insensitive and arrogant. Who are you to judge so fiercely? Are you a perfect person?

If you ARE Phillip's sister your comments are cowardly. And if I were in your position I would be starting to feel distinctly ashamed of myself.

If you read Phillip's entry (that you responded to) he himself was trying to put his feelings into context - he said how trivial it sounded, but was simply acknowledging his own feeling (he was upset by it). He also acknowledged how his own perspective might be slightly 'off'.

Funny he should do that.
And funny you should sound so very sure of yourself.

Leanne said...

well said joanne

Hilda May said...

WOW Philip.....do you feel the lurrrvvve!.....are you sat there in Bonny scotland drinking tea/wine yet? If not why not?.....get yourself off there...
hugs
rachel x

Kitty said...

Thinking of you, and hoping you are well and coping with the days, the feelings and the practicalities.

Take care :-) x

Anonymous said...

Hi Phillip,
I just wanted to pass along a good book title I highly recommend for reading.It maybe to soon for you to read but I think it's worth mentioning.It's called Eric by Doris Lund her family also has a blog.It's not an answer book of any sort but a real life story that says your not alone.

A quote from that book stays with me every day." We are all in the same boat,in a stormy sea, and we owe each other a terrible loyalty." -G.K. Chesterton

I hope this helps or at least lets you know that you are cared about. Dee

Anonymous said...

Keep on blogging Philip. Only read the good and positive comments, they so outweigh the rubbish written here x

marsupial girl said...

bravo joanne!

Vee said...

One other thing...how about a site meter where you can track who is visiting? (It works pretty well for me.)

Katie twinkles said...

I am hoping that philip is okay.

It is only two months and a few days since Ann's death. Two months and a few days.....

It's nothing, not long enough to even start to take in an event as enormous as the loss of a wife.

I would really love to see some more stories about Ann.

I would really love if this blog could continue to be a chronical of stories about Ann and Philip and how Philip is doing.

x

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